Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
