Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
