Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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