So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
