Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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