Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Drunk is not a location!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
