He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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