I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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