I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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