I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
