reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
