Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
