Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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