Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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