2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My bed is full of blood and feathers
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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