Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
try to milk me bitch
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