Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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