he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
