I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
