If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
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Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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