I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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