if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
