Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
