I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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