Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
