Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
