I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
