she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome