I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
