I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
