Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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