Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
