There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
