she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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