so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
