We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
