either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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