i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
