she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
