Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Welp...herpes.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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