i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
