the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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