she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
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they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
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I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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