i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
