I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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