Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
