the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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