You smell like stripper and shame
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
