I got chris browned last night
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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