just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
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