I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
