I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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