Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
