he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm getting married
To pizza
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
