Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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