Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize