I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Actions speak louder than pants.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
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its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
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A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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