OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
