i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
