He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
