I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
