it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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