Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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