Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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