Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So vagazzling was a success
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
