Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
