i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
im holly from the hills drunk
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
