He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
