I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
