I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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