Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
