3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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