Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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