I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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