K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
