I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
