i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
