Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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